Saturday, April 13, 2013

The Endorphinator








I apologize for the extended hiatus.  I have returned....

During my time away, I was not idle, but it was not an easy time.  My previous post was all about stress.
Well, the stress increased exponentially and was no picnic, but I weathered it with this fantastic, magical wonderment known as the mighty ENDORPHIN!! Every time I figured out I was feeling a deepest shade of blue (indicated by being wrapped in a blanket watching my 17th consecutive episode of Star Trek Voyager on Netflix) I went for a walk. My added visits to the gym produced a cleaning frenzy whirlwind that resulted in a sparkly-clean and organized office/art studio (a previously unheard of anomaly), the deletion of two giant bags of clothes that don't fit, and a 1/4 totally weeded front yard.  Unfortunately, my back gave out before my endorphin wave did.  This all felt FANTASTIC.  I could conquer the world!!  I could start a business!!  I could....totally take a nose-dive.
That white, digital slice of imbalanced hell-the bathroom scale-got to me again. I have lost...NOTHING!!!  This was highly discouraging and sent me back to the couch for a day or two. There have been no inches lost either. Unacceptable. the natural progression was to demean myself, to open up my mind to all kinds of doubt in myself. My inner voice is a nasty little item that is abusive and mean-spirited. She has serious issues. I have named her after a similar someone in my past, but for the purposes of avoiding lawsuits, we shall call her..."Jane Ho."  Jane Ho went all whippy slap-slap on my psyche after I viewed that heartbreaking lack of change on the scale. She led me over to the mirror and compared me to a hippo, then changed her mind and told me I look more like a rhino with my big shnoz and jello-jiggler midsection. Jane Ho told me I would never see a difference and that I was just going to fail.  She even came close to convincing me that my blog is a stupid waste of time-no one is listening. She went too far with that one. I got mad.  "Listen here, Jane Ho, you can fuck right off!  I've been working hard!! And it doesn't matter if anyone is listening!! This is MY change!  FOR ME!!"  Then I jumped all up on the reasonable train and left Jane Ho behind to talk to herself and the spots on the wall. (And before you voice concern about my apparent schizophrenia-it's okay, Jane Ho moved out).

I HAVE been working hard. I may not be seeing a difference on the scale, or in inches yet, but there have
been so many other positive changes. My struggles with getting my diet on track continue to be the major factor between me losing inches and pounds vs. ideal shrinkage. I will continue to improve.  I'm sure of it. I just have to stay out of the grocery store and never drive past a fast food joint.  Just kidding.  I need a huge injection of will-power.  All suggestions on how to acquire this are welcome.  In the meantime, here is a list of the positive changes that I've experiences so far:

1. Energy: My energy levels are up. I'm getting stuff done like a soccer-mom on a 15-shot espresso high.
2. Mood: Laughter and humor are my baselines, but I actually caught myself whistling at 5:30 am yesterday!
3. Air: I don't have to gasp for breath after tying my shoes anymore, or climbing stairs, or using the remote.
4. Joints:  My knees used to call me unmentionable things-especially when it rained.  Not so much now!
5. Distance: Walking 5.0 miles is no big deal. I still want to die a bit on steep inclines, but I don't have to lie down and gasp like an untanked guppie anymore.  :)
6. Social: I've been re-connecting with old friends, making new friends, and generally getting out more.
7. Strength: I can open jars again.
8. Focus: Attention span is a crap-shoot when you have unmedicated ADHD.  I sat through a 3-hour presentation on the Holocaust the other day. Only started squirming with about 20 minutes left to go.

All these things have brought me back to my positive outlook as I continue to forge on.  I'm getting closer to the end of the first 50 Bandanas, but it has become clear that this first 50 has been all about learning and habit-forming, breaking horrible cycles and installing healthy ones. I'm totally looking forward to the changes the next 50 Bandanas will bring!!

As always, thank you to everyone who keeps me motivated.  You rock!!!  Here's a healthy little list of snacks that I'll be portioning out.  You should too!




1 comment:

  1. John Tesh has some tips from time to time on his radio show on how to feel full sooner- like drinking a glass of water before every meal (and I think as soon as you wake up), eating with your non-dominant hand, etc. you can maybe find more on Tesh.com

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