The Unspoken Addiction

WEEK 2

Okay, I am going to admit it right off the bat...I cheated.  The scale was leaning innocently there against the wall, minding it's own business-gathering dust like it was supposed to. A coursing, crushing, calamitous wave of curiosity swept me right over to it.  It had only been a week, but I HAD TO KNOW if all this walking/running/lifting/agonizing was getting me anywhere. Apparently it isn't because I gained two pounds. Said scale is now in the box for the yard sale....okay, I'm kidding.  All my years in sports have prepared me for the muscle weight gain and the initial fluctuations that go with making major changes to a health routine. I'm still pissed at the scale though...

Whatever.



The good news-I MADE IT THROUGH WEEK 2! The scale attacked me on the first day of week 2, so I'm pretty proud of the fact that I didn't get all depressed and go all mega-donut-and-Dr. Pepper-binge right after that. No, I saved that for last night.  After a triumphant week of dragging my sorry butt to the gym, running fabulously around the block in my sexy bandanas and flowing tresses (okay, it makes me FEEL better to imagine it that way) and "Just Dance 4-ing" the heck out of our living room, I lost a serious confrontation in the grocery store.

You see, it was like this....  I went to the store to get apples and salad.  But the apples are suspiciously close to the bakery.  I think stores are set up that way on purpose so the donuts can whisper to you. They say they nicest things...they really are sweet.  And they are also spawns of the devil liberally sprinkled with evil, decidedly drizzled with damnation, cleverly coated in corruption, and teasingly topped with atrocity.  So I bought a dozen.  Then, since I was already marching happily down the pathway to the deepest circles of hell, I bought a Dr. Pepper too. Sigh... it was a bad day. 

McKayla Maroney

Luckily, I left my pile of bandanas out on the kitchen table.  There they were when I walked in the door, tapping their collective feet and crossing their collective arms with that disgusted look made famous by Olympian gymnast McKayla Maroney on their collective little fabric faces. (Sugar-induced hallicination?  Perhaps.) I was instantly sorry that I succumbed to the whispers of the dounuts-as well as curious as to why I was hearing food speak. It truly must be an addiction if breaking it is this freaking difficult. So, out of sheer will and a committment to make serious change, I did the previously unthinkable.  I threw the dounuts away and dumped the Dr. Pepper out (GASP). 

The Pile

Did this take super-human effort?  YES. Did I throw out all 12 donuts?  No, I ate one of the donuts and drank 1/2 the Dr. Pepper before I got home. It was crazy like an alcoholic hiding a flask in the car, or a junkie shooting up between their toes to hide the needle holes. Many would scoff that it couldn't possibly be as serious as alcoholism or drug addiction, but it is. I am facing a very poor family health history and diabetes. I'm only 40. My partner showed me an article just this weekend about how they've shown that lab rats will choose sugar over cocaine every time. Even the rats that were addicted to cocaine would choose the sugar over cocaine.  And last night I chose sugar.  Two weeks ago I performed my own intervention.  Let's just call last night a relapse. Today, I'm back with the program.  Total fall from grace averted.

Week 2 Complete.  Gym and running habit developed.  Bring on Week 3 to set the habit in stone.  I'm going to kick my own ass.  Week 3 is all about eating the right foods and making good food choices when I have to travel...but that is another story.

Note:  Thanks to all who have sent such wonderful words of encouragement.  This is a difficult journey and I appreciate your support so much.  If you think others would enjoy reading about my struggles on the path to healthy (or especially if you think it would help them) please feel free to share my blog at will.  If nothing else, maybe it will give someone a laugh for the day.  :)