Dance Fever

"Dance first, think later"

When I was working out with the most fantastic trainer in the world (the one that made me puke my first time out----love you, LaGunta) I refused to jump rope in front of the other people in the gym. It flooded my system with an anxiety wave that drowned my sense of humor and exposed my flaming, red angry.  Deep in my soul I knew that all those skinny little gazelles lined up on the treadmills with a full-view of my hippo-shaped, two-bras-for-safety's-sake-wearing, jump-roping-ass, would be secretly laughing at me. And we all know that when we are on the treadmill our eyes wander to anything that is moving-anything to distract us from the torture of walking on purpose. And currently, all of my parts move when I try to go all Rocky on the jump rope.

 

But if she had just asked me to dance instead...

Calories burned in 30 minutes!!

For some incomprehensible reason, I have no problems dancing wherever I am.  I don't care who's watching. This weekend I even learned how to shake and shimmy (thank you, Belinda).  I've been known to dance in the middle of the cul de sac at midnight by the light of the moon, get my groove on in the grocery store aisle, and even bust a move while baking. Therefore, dancing my ass off-and any other body parts-just makes sense. This morning I tried out the "Rockin' Body" series with Shaun T. Much fun!!  My office/art studio is now also my dance floor!

The right brain shows concussion indicators.

Yes, dancing burns a ton of calories, but there are other added benefits as well. It is not a secret that I may have taken one too many bumps in the head throughout my sports career. 30 years of soccer, 6 years of rugby and 10 years of football can be a bit tough on the noggin. So much information has come out recently about the long-term effects of concussions that it can be rather scary to consider what symptoms I face. So far, the manifestations have surfaced in the form of a slight stutter, difficulty finding the right word I want to say, short-term memory issues, and frequent headaches. However, there is very little research concerning how a female athlete's brain is affected-or if the effect is greater. My doctor is a former football player and is fairly fascinated with my case. He and I are searching for brain studies for me to join. In the meantime, he has directed me to do puzzles, challenging thinking games, and lots of exercise-including dancing.

You see, it seems that dancing and learning new dance patterns can have a crazy-awesome positive effect on the brain. I found an article by Richard Powers-dance guru- that sites a study in the New England Journal of Medicine about the effects of recreation activities on mental acuity in aging.  

"One of the surprises of the study was that almost none of the physical activities appeared to offer any protection against dementia. There can be cardiovascular benefits of course, but the focus of this study was the mind. there was one important exception: the only physical activity to offer protection against dementia was frequent dancing." -Richard Powers

That's right. Who knew that shaking my butt might save my brain?  You can see more of the article by Richard Powers here:

http://socialdance.stanford.edu/syllabi/smarter.htm   

Check out these findings from the study:

Reading-                   35% reduced risk of dementia

Bicycling-                   0%  reduced risk

Swimming-                 0%  reduced risk

Crossword puzzles    47% reduced risk (4 x per week)

                                                                      Playing golf                  0% reduced risk

                                                                      Dancing Frequently    76% reduced risk!!

This all totally makes sense to me. Learning new dances can be difficult. Getting your body to do what your brain is telling it can be like trying to settle a herd of kindergartners down for a nap while wearing a monster mask.  One part is sure to go off screaming in the wrong direction-and maybe all the parts.  Now set that chaos to music. If you're really on your game, set that chaos to music and try to choreograph it!

Happy Hoppers Square Dance Club

 In retrospect, I should probably thank my parents for my early appreciation of dance, as well as the mental acuity and coordination that came with it. My parents were from Montana, they joined a square dance club called the "Happy Hoppers." Inevitably, I got roped into taking Square Dance lessons. I will admit here that I LIKED the square dance lessons.  It was fun, rigorous exercise, and there were always new moves to learn that got increasingly more intricate. Okay, I HATED the fluffy dress and girly shoes I had to wear, and the fact that my partner was always Jeff- the caller's son.  Jeff and I were the same age, so we had to dance together all the time. We even had to do square dance exhibitions together. Since we were little 3rd graders, everyone thought we were sooooooo cute-but that is a whole other story. (Although I do find it amusing that we both turned out to be gay. Interesting.)  My point is that dancing in all forms really can be stimulating for the brain as well as the body. 

I actually have this CD.  Love it.

This week I will be doing more dancing and less worrying about the pounds and the inches. I assume they will come off on their own as I unleash the boogie fever to my disco beats, get my rump-shakin' Zumba on, Just Dance my way across the living room, and do my best go-go dancer shimmy while I'm working in the garden. Dance like no one is watching, my friends!

"Let us read, and let us dance; those two amusements will never do any harm to the world."

-Voltaire

The Stress Particle

WEEK 5

"Reality is the leading cause of stress among those in touch with it.  -Lily Tomlin

There are no bandanas on this particular post. I did wear a couple, but I will save them for next week's post. This week was awash in stress.  Like many people before me, I experienced  how difficult it is to maintain a healthy path while working my way through a highly stressful week. There were walks, jogs, and workouts as planned, but the detrimental effects of stress made it difficult to sleep properly. Bedtime would come and I would toss and turn and flop around like a whale breaching. Travel also made it difficult to eat in a timely manner. By the time I was able to eat I was more ravenous than locusts in a wheat field. Thankfully, the level of stress I dealt with this week is not chronic, but all last summer I dealt with a level of chronic stress that contributed to my increasing diameter. This whole program is about solving that issue so I can make amazing changes.

I've always liked graphs to illustrate stuff.  At right, I've included a "fat graph" to help illustrate how stress totally sucks when you are trying to shrink.  According to said fat graph, when stress goes up, cortisol production goes up, and Leptin senstitivity goes down (Leptin is a hormone that acts as the energy hall monitor that keeps our energy intake-or fat consumption-under control.  If our sensitivity to Leptin is down, we eat like somebody else is going to steal the last donut.) Our body gets the message that we need more energy intake -even though we don't, and hunger goes up, with leads to increased fat storage, which leads to...weight gain.  YUCK.

So, how do we combat the effects of stress so that our little Leptins are happy?  We have to make sure we are sensitive to them. The best way to do that is to CHILL OUT and avoid stress-inducing situations. Granted, we can't always avoid stress or stressful people...there are just too many "interesting" people out there. But we can improve the ways we deal with stress. Improving coping skills and installing alternative reactions or stress relievers will help greatly to keep stress-related bulging at bay. (Nobody wants to look like a busted can of biscuits just because they've got a little stress).

"It's not stress that kills us, it is our reaction to it." -Hans Selye

This was a LONG week filled with surprises, tiring travel, difficult personalities and troubling situations. My focus on my goals faltered because I was so busy just trying to keep it together. There is good news though. Unlike in the past, instead of falling back to stuffing myself full of fast food and other garbage, I located better food choices. Instead of eating at restaurants 3 times a day, I located a Winco. In their deli area they have pre-prepared salads, sandwiches and other meals. They run about $3.50 or so per meal.  Most hotel rooms have a micro-fridge, so I stocked up on good choices. This little triumph will help me immensely on future trips. And, instead of lying in a heap on the bed and watching cable, I jumped on the stress reduction band wagon with walks, journaling, and workouts. Five weeks into this 50 Bandanas to Fit program and I've made progress.  No, the majority of my progress hasn't been physical yet, but the mental and emotional changes I have made have been phenonmenal.  Changing my thinking is going to save my life.

A Fine List o' Stress Relievers: feel free to tell me what your favorite stress-reliever might be.

take a walk, take a jog, take a hike, sing a song, tell a joke, phone a friend, meditate, write in your journal, make some art, view some art, do some yoga, try some PMR (progressive muscle relaxation), have some sex, listen to some tunes, laugh out loud, take a bath, work in the garden, pick some flowers, reduce caffeine intake, light a nice smelling candle, dance a jig, get a massage, go workout, play with the dog, take a power nap, read a good book, cut down on junk food, go for a swim, go on a long drive, live without technology for a day, learn something new, go fishing, spend time alone, allow yourself to day dream, go outside and listen to the birds-or whatever else there is to hear, watch children play (but be careful or you may be labeled as a creeper), do something nice for someone.....

I Just Diet In Your Arms Tonight

Diets were created by the devil. Period.

Yes, I agreed to embark on the "BEST DIET EVER!" as convinced by my partner-and I was pretty gung-ho about it. I am now convinced that she may have been hypnotized or lost a small part of her mind. Here are a few of the things I learned during my experiement with the HCG diet (which lasted 4 days total for me-2 for "loading" and 2 for actual dieting).

Thing Learned #1. Never start a diet with your partner if there is a certain amount of initial starvation involved. You may soon be single. It's a little bit like wrapping PMS up in a bad hair day and serving it up with a heaping platter of "Fuck YOU" and a side of "Yes, those pants make you look fat," and washing it all down with a big frosty mug of ANYTHING AND EVERYTHING you've ever done wrong. (I'm lucky to be alive...but then, so is she. We're even more lucky to still be together).

Thing Learned #2. NEVER, and I mean NEVER start a diet while on vacation. Especially a road trip vacation. Not only are you trapped in a car together with no escape for MILES AND MILES, but all that frustration, anger and hunger will manifest in hostile ways at some point. I'm pretty sure that in the middle of nowhere, right around 3 pm, my lovely bride's head spun around three times, her eyes turned red, and she hissed, "I'M GOING TO EAT YOUR SOUL!!!" But I could've been hallucinating, I was pretty hungry and was eyeballing her right arm and considering BBQ sauce at the time...

Thing Learned #3. Dieters are under constant assault and seek escape only to be assaulted again. I tried reading a book-the characters were having fantastic Thanksgiving-type meal (I had to stop reading because drool tends to make the pages stick together). I tried reading a magazine-that was just stupid. Restaurants spray themselves all over magazines like dogs on a park trail. I tried staring out the window and daydreaming. (Did you know there are approximately 3,000 restaurants along the freeway between Keizer, OR and Albany, OR alone)? I tried sleeping, but woke myself up snoring before I devoured that giant Sonic burger of my dreams. I turned on the radio hoping to lure the cleaning fairy into a sing-along. (If I had heard that phrase 'I'm loving it' coupled with cheery music one more time, I feel I would've been justified in my express need to commit homicide-the cleaning fairy saved the radio just in time). I even tried doing the road sign alphabet game with the cleaning fairy (pre-head spinning incident). "Okay...I'll start with A....Applebees!" "B...Boston Market!" C...Chili's! God damnit!!! Are there any road signs NOT sponsored by or tied to a restaurant???" For an idea of where the rest of the game devolved to, see Thing Learned #1.

Thing Learned #4. Dieters LIE LIE LIE LIE LIE LIE to themselves. "Oh, this sliver of steak with a side of raw radishes is FANTASTIC! I really do feel full!" or... "I can eat 28 large strawberries to round out my calories for the day and everything will be great!!" (Thank God for frequent rest stops, YIKES).

Thing Learned #5. You can not make up for the lack of calories with varied and abundant spices. "Could you pass me the Fiesta Lime, Carribean Jerk, Garlic Herb, Chicken Delight, and regular Mrs. Dash bottles, please? Oh, and send over the Perfect Pinch and a cup of parsely leaves too while you're at it?" Some flavors, no matter how famished you are, just don't go together.

Thing Learned #6. Losing 7lbs in two days is exhilarating, but getting dizzy and falling off the scale is just dumb.

Thing Learned #7. As much as I hate to admit it, mother and my trainer know best. Balanced calories with regular exercise do the trick. Fad diets are just that-fads. Upon hearing of my latest dieting foibles, Mom told me this wonderful story about how her older sister, my Aunt Carol, ordered these "diet caramels" back in the day. You were supposed to eat a caramel, wait an hour and then eat the diet as a prescribed and exercise every day. Mom said, "Any damn fool would've lost weight doing the diet and exercise alone. And Carol did lose weight, but did she eat just one caramel? Noooo, she polished of the whole damn box in one day...I know, because I went looking for them to 'try' one." Gotta love Mom. :) Mom's moral: to lose weight, one must do it sensibly.

Thing Learned #8. I don't diet well. I was on VACATION for God's sake. AND we stopped in Reno! I had made it two days with my melba toast and 500 calories. I admit, I was not strong. Boy, when I hit that buffet I probably scared people with my glazed over eyes and Ethopian physique. Okay, I obviously didn't get all fence-rail in two days...but I felt like it, and I was freaking HUNGRY! I paid for the buffet, loaded up my plate with fantastic-ness, and got all settled down with my guilt and my giant glass of Dr. Pepper (aka manna from heaven)-totally determined to partake of the best of everything. Wouldn't you know it? My traitor-ass stomach had shrunk. Meh. Stupid effing diet. I went to the dessert table anyway.

So yes, I fell off the diet wagon. Jumped, really. But, I didn't feel dizzy, sick or really pissed off at the world anymore. AND, the 2 day stint of starvation coupled with the guilt I felt anytime I ate real food in front of the cleaning fairy did something amazing for me...it broke my addiction to fast food. We made it through the rest of our LONG LONG LOOOOONG road trip and when we returned home, I didn't have the craving for fast food any more. I've improved my diet, I'm eating cleaner, healthier food, and I'm exercising daily. I see a steady, yet not drastic loss when I step on the scale. I feel pretty darn good. And the dreams of food in all forms have ceased.

As for the cleaning fairy, I'm very proud of her. She has gutted it out (pun intended) and stayed on the diet. She's either a trooper, or just plain stubborn. This diet really seems to be working for her. However, I do have my suspicions...some of my low-calorie fig bars are missing and someone besides me ate the curl off the new jar of peanut butter. But I won't judge. There is still that "PMS/bad hair day/I'm freaking starving wrath" to consider. For now, I'll just duck and cover and tell her how great she looks. :)

Why it Began

My life takes random twists and turns. This is not something I imagine, this is fact. This has been fact since I was just a wee whippersnapper running amok as only whippersnappers know how. When things went south, or haywire, or completely beserk, I learned that the only way to maintain a certain level of sanity was to find the humor in the situation. This is a priceless skill I learned from my family. Through the toughest times, there was still always a way to sit around and tell funny stories, or share hilarious memories. This skill has stayed with me. Now that facebook is here, I choose to use it as a tool to share with my friends all the laughs that accumulate in my life . It came as a total surprise that the stuff that happens to me doesn't happen to everyone. Due to the urging of many people, I finally decided to start a blog...a place to pictures, and a more in depth look at the foibles and fabulousness that is my life. Welcome, and enjoy-at my expense.

Oh, and about the name. Well, I AM the Sand in my Shorts, right? And nothing says good story like sand in the shorts. :) Also, some of these blog posts will be short. So, it's like a series of shorts...about Sand. :) Follow that...I dare ya!