Hiatus this week

There will not be a detailed post for this week.  Sorry.

The Stress Particle

WEEK 5

"Reality is the leading cause of stress among those in touch with it.  -Lily Tomlin

There are no bandanas on this particular post. I did wear a couple, but I will save them for next week's post. This week was awash in stress.  Like many people before me, I experienced  how difficult it is to maintain a healthy path while working my way through a highly stressful week. There were walks, jogs, and workouts as planned, but the detrimental effects of stress made it difficult to sleep properly. Bedtime would come and I would toss and turn and flop around like a whale breaching. Travel also made it difficult to eat in a timely manner. By the time I was able to eat I was more ravenous than locusts in a wheat field. Thankfully, the level of stress I dealt with this week is not chronic, but all last summer I dealt with a level of chronic stress that contributed to my increasing diameter. This whole program is about solving that issue so I can make amazing changes.

I've always liked graphs to illustrate stuff.  At right, I've included a "fat graph" to help illustrate how stress totally sucks when you are trying to shrink.  According to said fat graph, when stress goes up, cortisol production goes up, and Leptin senstitivity goes down (Leptin is a hormone that acts as the energy hall monitor that keeps our energy intake-or fat consumption-under control.  If our sensitivity to Leptin is down, we eat like somebody else is going to steal the last donut.) Our body gets the message that we need more energy intake -even though we don't, and hunger goes up, with leads to increased fat storage, which leads to...weight gain.  YUCK.

So, how do we combat the effects of stress so that our little Leptins are happy?  We have to make sure we are sensitive to them. The best way to do that is to CHILL OUT and avoid stress-inducing situations. Granted, we can't always avoid stress or stressful people...there are just too many "interesting" people out there. But we can improve the ways we deal with stress. Improving coping skills and installing alternative reactions or stress relievers will help greatly to keep stress-related bulging at bay. (Nobody wants to look like a busted can of biscuits just because they've got a little stress).

"It's not stress that kills us, it is our reaction to it." -Hans Selye

This was a LONG week filled with surprises, tiring travel, difficult personalities and troubling situations. My focus on my goals faltered because I was so busy just trying to keep it together. There is good news though. Unlike in the past, instead of falling back to stuffing myself full of fast food and other garbage, I located better food choices. Instead of eating at restaurants 3 times a day, I located a Winco. In their deli area they have pre-prepared salads, sandwiches and other meals. They run about $3.50 or so per meal.  Most hotel rooms have a micro-fridge, so I stocked up on good choices. This little triumph will help me immensely on future trips. And, instead of lying in a heap on the bed and watching cable, I jumped on the stress reduction band wagon with walks, journaling, and workouts. Five weeks into this 50 Bandanas to Fit program and I've made progress.  No, the majority of my progress hasn't been physical yet, but the mental and emotional changes I have made have been phenonmenal.  Changing my thinking is going to save my life.

A Fine List o' Stress Relievers: feel free to tell me what your favorite stress-reliever might be.

take a walk, take a jog, take a hike, sing a song, tell a joke, phone a friend, meditate, write in your journal, make some art, view some art, do some yoga, try some PMR (progressive muscle relaxation), have some sex, listen to some tunes, laugh out loud, take a bath, work in the garden, pick some flowers, reduce caffeine intake, light a nice smelling candle, dance a jig, get a massage, go workout, play with the dog, take a power nap, read a good book, cut down on junk food, go for a swim, go on a long drive, live without technology for a day, learn something new, go fishing, spend time alone, allow yourself to day dream, go outside and listen to the birds-or whatever else there is to hear, watch children play (but be careful or you may be labeled as a creeper), do something nice for someone.....

Fist Pumping Triumph!!!!

I'm lighting my own blog up today by accident, but it just might be break-through time!! My stomach piped up and started whining about lunch, and as per usual, all I could think about was fast food: particularly Taco Bell. I popped up from my computer, grabbed my car keys, checked my wallet for cash, and just as I put my hand on the door knob, I started hearing this slo-mo Noooooooo!  It was in my head of course, but wonder of wonders I actually hung the keys back up and put my wallet down. Thus ensued a brief internal conversation with myself about how it's these stupid little decisions and justifications I keep making that add up to failure in my quest.  And TA-DA!  I made a good decision and made my OWN quesedilla- which was much more flavorful and healthy than the rubbish I would have purchased at Taco Bell. Triumph will be mine!!!

Now to spend the rest of the day trying not to reward myself with food for how awesome I was at lunch.  Sigh....

Morning Driving

NO MCDONALD'S.  NO.

Mornings are the hardest for me.  My car wants to drive me somewhere and my stomach wants to dictate where we go The isolation of working from home drives this need to get out of the house first thing in the morning and SEE other people. Perhaps some of my early riser friends would like to go walk first thing in the AM?  I shall investigate. Replacing the surly morning-shift fast-food workers with half-awake friends would be a lovely up-grade.  :)

The Arsenal

WEEK 4: Still Tickin'

"If you intend to go to work, there is no better place than right where you are."

-Abraham Lincoln

Week four is over already!!!  I have to admit that I have made it further than I initially thought I could. Normally, by now my ADHD has usually kicked in and...wanna ride bikes? Oh look, a butterfly! Only kidding. This time, although I have had struggles, I'm dialed in. The process has been fun, my mind is engaged, and my body is responding. Perhaps all 10 of my commandments have not been met each week.  Perhaps I have curled up and napped a time or two instead of going to the gym as scheduled or embarking on a run.  It doesn't matter, as long as I jump right back on where I left off without too long a pause in the action.

This week was actually pretty fantastic. My eating habits while on the road have been historically atrocious-to the tune of 2500-3000 calorie days. This week I was able to whittle it down to 2000 calories a day and below.  I intend to improve on that during week 5.  My culinary skills are improving-so much so that I think I used every dish in the house, and the resulting dish-washing marathon may have left permanent water wrinkles on my hands.  And here is the best part-  I ONLY ATE FAST FOOD FOUR TIMES LAST WEEK!!  That doesn't seem like such a big deal until you consider the fact that at my lowest point I was eating it three times a day every day! (Apparently watching "Supersize Me" ten times wasn't enough to make the message stick).

A dear friend volunteered to walk with me and many others have been offering encouragement and support. This is invaluable and means a ton to me. Interestingly, I have so much to gain by succeeding and so much to lose if I falter. This journey isn't just about weight loss.  People tell me that they understand where I'm at and have been inspired by my efforts to change. This is a complete surprise to me. For so long I felt like I was the only one in this predicament and hid away in silence and shame. Those of you who have reached out to me, please know you inspire me right back. You've helped to recharge my batteries in a way I never expected-thank you.

Some of you have asked me how exactly I'm doing what I'm doing-what kind of diet, excercise, program, etc...  To answer some of that, I'm going to share my arsenal.  This IS a kind of war.  It is a waging of battle against an invisible, deadly, internal enemy that will be ousted!!  I decree it!!  So, here are my weapons of "Body-Mass Destruction." (tee hee)  I've inlcuded links at the end.

CULINARY COMBAT

The Yellow Plate of Power and the Magic Placemat             
 The YPP came from the camping section at Walmart. If you tip your head to the right, you can see that it smiles at you. The Magic Placemat came from the nutritonist. My partner is addicted to laminating and therefore the placemat is neatly laminated. I suck at portion control, but kind of rock when I have the YPP to use. The big part is always filled with salad and veggies, the little parts with the healthy amount of protein and starches as outlined on the Magic Placemat.  The Yellow Plate of Power and the Magic Placemat have a sidekick: Felicia the Fabulous Food Scale. Felicia is digital and is capable of weighing in kilograms, grams, ounces and pounds. Very handy for figuring out of I'm serving myself the correct amount of food.  Not surprisingly, I am always shocked by how very little food is contained within an ounce.

The Eat Clean Diet by Tosca Reno.  For food guidance and recipes I follow the eat-clean diet as outlined by Tosca Reno. In addition, I make a lot of the recipes the good folks at Better Homes and Gardens put together in the Eat Well, Lose Weight cookbook. Why did I pick these books?  Tosca Reno is not a bullshitter. She says it's hard work, and she says it will take time, but she also says it's worth it. Her books are both inspirational and make sense to me.  Although she does seem to be extraordinarily fond of photo shoots of herself.  :) And dude, it's Better Homes and Gardens. What else is there to say?

The Traveling Answer    One of my biggest issues has always been travel and how to make healthy selections when it seems that everything is a fast food option. My gym had a special on cases of these lovely little 100 calorie Muscle Milk shakes. They are perfect and filling, and they stave off hunger just long enough for me to fight off the siren call of the drive-thru. They are not entirely horrible on the taste buds either. It says right on the side to serve cold...they are not kidding. Drinking one of these things warm is definitely a gacky mcgaggerson experience akin to drinking eggnog mixed with sidewalk chalk. Chilled, these drinks are transformed! It's like magic.

Weapons of Body Mass Construction

These are the applications I have added to my phone to help me keep track-REAL TRACK-of what I'm doing. mapmyfitness, Couch to 5K, and myfitnesspal.
mapmyfitness: This app is a GPS tracker that records a map of my running or walking route.  It tracks how far I went, how long it took me, and where I went geographically.  It is a totally 100% Big Brother-esque application that stalks me when I work out. On an up note, if I somehow get hit in the head during a collision with an albatross and suffer a bout of temporary amnesia, when I regain consciousness my mapmyfitness app will show me the way home. Cool, huh?

Couch to 5k (C25K):  This is a lovely little program is designed to take someone from couch potato-hood to 5k running capability. The plan is to start with walking/running intervals and slowly work up to all running over the course of the 8 week program. I've been on week One for four weeks now. Granted, I've been more like a full-on couch cushion instead the couch potato sitting on top, so I certainly have further to go.

myfitnesspal: This application rocks. It has both a mobile and an online interface. You record what you eat and what you do to work out. It does all the fancy math and tells you how many calories you have left in the day, how much you burned, how long it will take you to reach your goal...tons of peachy info with graphs and everything.  There is a HUGE food database for figuring out calories, an online support community-all the fun stuff. It just makes tracking everything incredibly easy.  I use it in tandem with my favorite work-out and fitness log the Bodyminder Workout and Exercise Journal (at right). I've seen a lot of different journals and this one is just easy, simple and not full of a lot of fluffy b.s.  There's room for a 13-week fitness plan and goal-setting, as well as a whole lot of useful trackers in the back. And I like to have a paper journal too so I can flip through it later, stick stuff to it/in it, and make notes and doodles in it.  Sort of a smash journal for my flubber.

My gym of choice is 24Hour Fitness. We have a love-hate relationship.  I love the gym, I hate all the skinny little troglodytes in the locker room talking about how fat they are, and then whispering behind their hands about which gender I really am. Ugh. However, I've been with 24Hour Fitness long enough that I pay an amount per month so low that the membership people gasp whenever they see it. Recently my hate has subsided and I just don't give a fig what the skinny little people are grumbling about anymore. Fuck em'. I have muscles to grow and fat to make cry.

Little Red Riding Wii:   There is a red Wii in our house. It's main job has been to provide Neflix to a chip-eating, couch-cushion-becoming, bump on a lump on a log. We only have two actual video-type games for the Wii (I don't even know what they are). What we have instead is a stack of fantastic I like to think of as my own personal sexy stack. That's right, I'm going to dance myself sexy to the sweet beats of Just Dance 2-4, Zumba Fitness and Michael Jackson-The Experience. For those days when I can't get to the gym we have WiiFit Plus and EA Sports-Active 2. The other night I worked out with the traininer on EA Sports and I almost puked.  My 24-Hour Fitness trainer would be so proud. She DID make me puke the first time we worked out together. Mortifying, but at least she knew I was giving it my all.  :)

Fitbit Ultra: This little gadget goes with me everywhere. It rides around on my bra and counts my steps, calories burned, distance traveled (on foot) and even tracks my sleeping patterns while in a band around my wrist at night. It's tiny, but it's been quite illuminating. Not only was I not moving around enough during the day, but every night around 3:30-ish I'm awake for about 1/2 hour, but never have memory of it.  Must be when I'm doing all the sleepwalking...  My favorite thing about the Fitbit is that it grows a little digital flower as I work out. If I work out enough it will grow a whole sunflower. This entertains me and somehow encourages me to work harder and more often to keep the flower at maximum growage. (I feel vaguely manipulated.)  It also has an online interface with graphs and charts and other cool, gadgety stuff.

Accessories

Bandanas: 50 of them. One for each work out. Necessary for motivation, accessorizing, flair, sweat control, snot rag, what have you...


Shoes: Went to Fit Right Northwest and got fitted for these awesome shoes.  They have a lot of miles on them and my left big toe is coming up out through the top, but I love them. Time to go get a replacement pair.


Sunglasses: to hide from the paparazzi.



Push-up gloves: Not like a push-up bra.  These are for people like me who have issues with wrist pain because we stay up all hours typing out blogs and such.  There are special pads built in to relieve stress on the wrist while doing push-ups

Water Bottle: I searched high and low for just the right water bottle. It has more to do with the lid than anything. You see, I somehow never learned how to gracefully drink from a normal water bottle.  I'm all slurp and spill and unacceptable glugging noises. And then, because 1/2 of my lower jaw has no nerves, a good portion of the water ends up all down my front without me noticing.  So, the water delivery system is key.  With this bottle I can just lean back and pour water down my gullet with minimal racket and only minor spillage.  Hydration bliss.




Inhaler: Another love-hate relationship.  I never needed one until I let myself go.  Now I need one. I love how it opens up my lungs, but I do not want to get dependent on it.  I want to eliminate it from my life by getting healthy. Damnit.

Necessities

Creative Cursing:  Because I need to branch out with my blasphemy.  And nothing makes me blaspheme quite like the mirror, the scale, and getting dressed in the morning.

Motivation and Encouragement: I keep going for me, but love and support in this endeavor is invaluable. On the hard days, I know I can reach out for help if needed.  Thank you to my inspirations!  If you'd like to send inspiration via snail mail or if you'd like to receive inspirational postcards from me via snail mail, feel free to write to:
Tracy Sand
P.O. Box 821506
Vancouver, WA 98602

I'll always reply.

That is my arsenal. It's keeping me strong.  It's keeping me going, and it's going to keep me alive and well.  Start building yours today!!

Links:

Yellow Plate of Power:  http://www.walmart.com/ip/Coleman-Melamine-Plate/16472392

Magic Placemat:  CCS Diabetic Placemat

The Eat-Clean Diet:  http://www.eatcleandiet.com/

Eat Well, Lose Weight: Better Homes and Gardens Eat Well, Lose Weight Cookbook

Muscle Milk:   http://www.musclemilk.com/

mapmyfitness:  http://www.mapmyfitness.com/

Couch 2 5K: http://www.coolrunning.com/engine/2/2_3/181.shtml

myfitnesspal: http://www.myfitnesspal.com/

Body Minder: Body Minder journals

24-Hour Fitness: http://www.24hourfitness.com/

EA Sports Active 2: Amazon.com EA Sports Bundle

Fitbit: http://www.fitbit.com

Fit Right NW: http://www.fit-right-nw.com/

Rejuvenation Gloves: http://www.dickssportinggoods.com

Subzero Water Bottle: http://www.subzerogear.com/

Exercise-induced Asthma: http://www.webmd.com/asthma/guide/exercise-induced-asthma

How'd I get so fat?

Week 3


Leave me alone.



At the end of week 2 I felt FANTASTIC!!!  So fantastic, in fact, that I totally bombed during Week 3.  My lack of performance and motivation stank it up like Tony Romo stanks up Cowboys Stadium. Renuzit didn't develop a product that would alleviate my level of stankage.  Before this evolves into a sad list of "I stank soooo bad" jokes that rivals the "Your Mama" insults, I'll move on to why I'm struggling...



Way back in 2000, I met a mysterious stranger named DEPRESSION. Depression didn't come into my life yelling and screaming and effing up my days, like a bull in a Tracy shop, no.  Depression crept in and ate away at the edges of my everything like a caustic mist. The hellish loss of a job and total change in career direction was the door that opened up to let Depression in. An unemployed, directionless work-a-holic presents prime real estate for Depression and it's minions; Self-Hate and Self-Loathing. I had been sad before, and I had a rough go of it in school, but I'd always been able to carry on and sally forth. Depression and it's friends seeped into my mind and erased all the happiness from the world and my memory like a Dementor out of Azkaban. I couldn't remember anything good about myself. Sinking lower and lower into the vicious cycle of self-hatred, I walked right up to the edge of suicide and teetered there on the brink.  I slipped off the edge twice, but luckily, I'm still here.

145lbs to 220 lbs from first game to last.

Surprisingly, during this bout of depression, I didn't pack on any weight. I started playing soccer five nights a week to keep busy, and got a part-time job to return to a state of sane. Overall, I stayed pretty fit and slim.  Then, I was struck by a bolt of lighting...or maybe more like an earthquake. During my break at my illustrious seafood counter job at Fred Meyer, I saw the flyer. There was no way I could've known this particular flyer was going to shape my future. This ominous, fabulous flyer would ultimately lead me down a path that would result in a new career, one bad relationship, a move to Colorado (and a move back), one fantastic relationship and a marriage, a master's degree, and so far-12 years of highs, lows and sideways.  This fateful flyer invited women to come try-out for the Portland Shockwave football team. I think I gasped. It was a dream come true. I tried out, I made the team, and the rest is history...sort of.  For my position, the coach asked me to put on some weight. Apparently, I took him seriously. From my first game to my last, I gained 75lbs! 

It didn't happen overnight, and it wasn't always a steady climb to the top. By the beginning of my second season I was 180-most of it muscle.  Then I went through the kind of break-up where you can't even choke down toast because your heart hurts so bad. You lie on the couch watching stupid sappy movies over and over and just want to die.  My weight dropped down to 140.  I looked good, but I sure didn't feel good.  Not eating is NEVER the way to lose weight. Time healed my pain and eventually food was appetizing again.

At this point you may be asking yourself how I got to 220lbs if I had kicked depression and dropped to 140lbs.  Well, I didn't really kick Depression-I had just fooled it for a while. The Self-Loathing was still hanging around. In 2004 I was offered a great promotion, but I had to move to Denver. Adventure has always lured me, so I took the job. Denver and I did not grow on each other. Like so many, I was fooled into thinking Denver was all Rocky Mountain High and surrounded by lovely. In reality, Denver is flatter than a pancake, thin on oxygen, and high on jack-ass drivers.

Depression found me again and this time brought ADDICTION along with it. I was bored and lonely, so I ate food-fast food.  There was a Sonic just down the street, a local burger place, and a Schlotsky's Deli.  Near where I worked there was a McDonalds and a Taco Bell.  And then I discovered Qdoba!  Bliss. I was stowing about 1,000 calories per meal! I remember being pissed because the apartment dryer kept shrinking my clothes! Porky Pig had nothing on me. By the time I returned home at the end of a year, the addiction was fixed and  my waist, bra, and shirt size was growing. Depression ebbed and flowed like a drowning tide. I became drenched in the accompanying addiction. To save myself, I have to address the biggest enabler I have.  My job.

My career in merchandising requires a lot of travel and comes with an expense account. I justified my eating by telling myself I played football, so I couldn't get fat. And I told myself I wasn't fat. I told myself I deserved to eat that crap because I worked hard.  And I told myself that the extra padding made me a better player. And even as I was eating it every day, I told myself a little fast food couldn't hurt me. And deep down inside, I felt protected from the world with the more weight I put on.  Padding between them and me, and between me and the hurt. And the extra padding came free with the expense account.

 

(f) Expense Account + (a) Self Loathing + (t) Excuses and Delusions = Formula for Failure (fat)

I have to find a better anwer to eating on the road.  Friends have offered great suggestions, and I have a book that outlines wonderful ways to pack for time on the road. The Eat-Clean diet closely mirrors the diet my doctor laid out for me.  She travels a lot, so she has some great tips, tricks, and recipes.  If you are looking for a guide for a healthy life change, this lady rocks!  If I can stand strong and over-come the lazy and put all her advice into action, I'm going to punt this addiciton right through the uprights!!

And now for a winning equation to combat the Formula for Failure. Week 3 may have been all filled with STANK, but Week 4 is going to be all filled up with WIN!!